The Chronicles of Firzen

[Nastenary]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9817660/...cles-of-Firzen

It's on fanfiction.net, so much easier to manage. Tell me what you guys think! {Seriously, it's here for feedback XD}

[Nastenary]

No replies? Oh well. Bumping this anyways, as a new chapter will be released soon.

[MyHatismyFriend]

After reading, the first, second, forth, fifth and eighth chapters, I do have some feedback for you. While most of the characters are alright, based on what their fan-interpretation is anyway, I find it a bit jarring to read- in my opinion, he's lacking in depth and character. From what I've read, he's a character that has essentially finished the story- he has no internal or external flaws that would otherwise drive character development. While I'm no writer myself, Firzen is introduced as a character that I believe would have been appropriate AFTER the story has progressed. ( I think a standard story progression usually begins with a character with flaws, which are then addressed and corrected/ignored during the course of the plot, leading to the success/failure of the character's development and thus attain a better sense of identity and belonging with their situation.) Without the development of Firzen, I think that your piece might just become a collection of 'Everybody loses to Firzen.' Again, just my thoughts and opinions. I recognise that some people write just for the heck of it and could care less about criticism and stuff, but if you want feedback, that's my two cents.

[Nastenary]

First of all, thank you so much for the feedback.

Lastly, Firzen is meant to be that type of character, he's introduced as powerful and strong, the conflict and development comes from the different situations in the story and how he reacts to them. He won't win every fight, because that's part of his struggle, realizing he isn't as powerful as he thinks he is and that he has to find different ways to become strong, relying on friends, etc. While the story doesn't seem to have much conflict at the moment, Cerberus syndrome is about to kick in and send the story on a darker path. You will see what he does to solve those conflicts, how he replies to other people, and that in itself will shape his character, just like someone in real life, others judge who you are and you become known based on how you act. So while he may seem boring and flat now, that's just part of his charm, as everything else builds onto him.

Thank you for the criticism once again, I will definitely keep it in mind as I write and make sure he doesn't tread into boring hero territory.