Alright, I need you to critique some original fiction that I want to nurture into something popular. It's about this little girl who sneaks out of the house to face off against a vampire. I think it's good, although I wrote it, of course.
dA link: http://easternmoney128.deviantart.com/art/The-Elfdragon-Chapter-1-It-Figures-445406635
Pastebin link (I think more people will use this): http://pastebin.com/YHdW6myB
If you like this, I might show you more. If not, I'll keep writing it, but I will not show you the other bits.
NB: This is the second time I tried to submit this thread.