It has been 5 and a half weeks since it happened. Since that one time that I got rowdily drunk on Mumble and made quite the name for myself. The one time that I once wished to never remember but I eventually did on the morning after. A lot of questions have been asked regarding this. Why did I do it? What was I saying? What lead to this? What does this have to do with now?
My friends, Christmas 2013 had to be one of the worst days of my life. Not because of what I did. But because of what caused it and what it caused. Due to these events, I have been unable to talk to anyone and I have not been on Mumble or on the server for quite a while. Anytime I do, I lose all will to talk or do anything and I instantly leave. I fear that it has caused me to grow distant from those that once used to speak to regularly. Krittercon, Leon, Seki-Nazrin-Scooter-banki, Oniking, and Waifu to name a few. I have also not been feeling well because of it. Any overall production from myself, Video making, Minecraft building, and college work have been reduced to little ounces of progress in a week. This past month has not been good. Neither was December either. Not only because of Christmas but I also found out the truth about my grandfather's death. The discussion that my mother and I had did not make me feel good in the days leading to Christmas.
So, what story do I have for you? Well... It's a hard one for me to say. Not just because it'll bring back memories of then but as it also affects a certain someone on this server. One that is going to be mentioned heavily in this post.
I wish to bring you back to late November 2013. My first month of Yukkuricraft. Myself having only a few hours and almost nothing to my name. I had recently joined under the recommendation of Keychain. At the time, she was not active at all and so I never got the opportunity to talk about the server with her. Over the week of the server anniversary and beyond, I took the opportunity to socialise with as many people as possible. I eventually gained my confidence to speak with people on forums and from voice chat.
One day, I learned that Keychain's birthday was on the 2nd of December. With a desire to impress the one who brought me here, I decided to make the Birthday build that everyone knows. Just go north-west from the Creative Flats spawn and you'll see it. In this time, I got to know several people including Krittercon, Tewi, and Seki-Nazrin-banki. While building, I got a drive to work as hard as I could. To ensure that I would finish this for her. For her to gaze upon it. And it hit me. Why was I doing this? I barely knew her and yet I wanted to do something as big as this for her. I realised the biggest thing of all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest reveal of this post. I fell in love with Keychain. That's right. I, TRXD, a freshman with little to my name fell in love with admin Keychain. To everyone who is asking right now. Keychain was my special someone. The one I had been talking about. I did not wish to say as I feared it would get to Keychain much too soon. One month was not enough time.
Eventually, I finished the build and revealed it on her birthday. With the gifts that you all saw and the letter. The letter contained a message that I will still not reveal to this day. Only myself, Keychain, and nosy staff members know the message. Proud of what I had done and what she thought of it. My desires grew larger. I even went on to talk about this on a live radio show about my feat and what I was doing. I used my newly gained renown and awareness from others to continue to socialise more. I even added Keychain on Steam and engaged in a good long discussion. She never followed up on it or spoke to me further. But I still yearned for more. I wanted her to notice me, to respect me. Even be friends with me. Anytime she came online, I would be there to greet her and talk to her. Even if she did not respond or notice me. This continued until Christmas. The very day it went wrong.
On christmas eve, the server had a little letter giving event. We would all write letters to one another and post them to their respective chests. Each staff member and section of the community had their own. The three founders and Tenshi were on the tree. The retired staff and the legendaries had their chests. And so did the Elders. We all share letters and wrote to each other. I myself wrote to Seki-Nazrin, Krittercon, The Entire Roleplay Community, and a few others. And lastly, I wrote a letter to Keychain. Several others wrote their own letters and two people wrote directly to me. My good buddy, Katrix and Keychain herself. Upon catching word of this, I got excited. The one who I was in love with wrote to me. I couldn't get much sleep that night. Whatever was kept in that letter enraptured me more than any other object currently in existence.
Christmas came and we all opened our letters at the same time. I read mine. Katrix's was a very nice and uplifting one. And Keychain's. Keychain's got me excited. The words within that letter made me feel like we were getting closer as the time passed. Nothing else could have beaten the feeling. Not even waking up in the morning to see the cutest Touhou characters in existence snuggling up to you on a fine Spring morning. Keychain even tweeted to me in response to my letter and it made me even more excited. I even /me hugged her. And I didn't get banned or warned for a ban. With all of the joy that was the early day, I went off mumble to have my christmas dinner. And I logged off. Saying bye to everyone and the phrase "Especially to you, Keychain." Little did I know that when I would get back, that this phrase would destroy it all.
I returned from a nice dinner with a beer in my hand for celebration and good times. Pleased with what had happen, I check my twitter and...
I woke in an extremely awkward position on my desk. My Minecraft was left open but on the menu screen. And my mumble was open with chat entries from a few hours prior to me waking up. I logged in and I saw that Katrix, Kritter and all of my trusted people were there. Except Keychain. She was not there. At this time, I did not know why she wasn't there or what had happened. I asked the guys about what had happened and they sidestepped around the answer. Something wasn't right. What had happened to leave me like this? From what I had gathered, I got really drunk following my dinner and I had said some stuff on mumble while getting lost in the Forest of Magic on the server. Confused, I promptly went to bed and tried to clear it all away.
The next morning, I logged back into mumble. Katrix and Gismowolf were there. We had a light discussion about the day before and what had happened. During this time, I realised I had not check my twitter. Looking in my twitter feed, I saw some tweets in my feed:
"So I just had my christmas dinner and I read her letter.
It was so sweet and nice! This has to be the best christmas yet.
To top it all off, I've got some booze ready for a drinkin'!
Time to chug away this amazing day!
Scratch that. I'm a drinkin' because of other things.
Ffffffuck. Why does this always happen to me?"
Curious, I searched around for the cause of that last tweet. I eventually went into my PMs and saw it. The reason behind last night and that tweet. Two PMs had come through from Keychain. She... was taken. I had embarrassed her by saying the phrase "Especially you" while her boyfriend was in the room. This hit me. It hit me harder than anything like it. At that point, my memories recovered. The drunk night. It was a rant about how lonely I was and one of my titles. "The Hopeless Romantic". A title I assigned myself long ago as a way to describe my nature. My drunken self must have taken it literally and talk about it "in detail". The reason Keychain wasn't there was not because of her spontaneous nature but it was because of what I said. I drove her out of the mumble server with my drunken rants. The one I would never go against. And yet I did it. I promptly logged off mumble that day and didn't return.
The following month after was not too good either. I became depressed and unwilling to speak with anyone except the trusted few. Anytime Keychain was mentioned or whenever she would come into the mumble room, I would break down and leave whatever medium, be it mumble or minecraft, she was mentioned in. And return half an hour or so later. No-one knew as to what was going on. Only the trusted few knew most of what was going on. But some knew more than others. By New Year's, I spoke to Keychain about what was happening and we made up. She was fine with everything that had happened and forgave me. But I never forgave myself and I'm not sure if anyone else would.
That, my friends, is the truth. As to why I have not been around, what happened on that drunk night and why I feel this way. I really could not let this go unheard and unknown. It was tearing at me more than anything. If Keychain is not fine with me posting this, feel free to delete it.
My friends, Christmas 2013 had to be one of the worst days of my life. Not because of what I did. But because of what caused it and what it caused. Due to these events, I have been unable to talk to anyone and I have not been on Mumble or on the server for quite a while. Anytime I do, I lose all will to talk or do anything and I instantly leave. I fear that it has caused me to grow distant from those that once used to speak to regularly. Krittercon, Leon, Seki-Nazrin-Scooter-banki, Oniking, and Waifu to name a few. I have also not been feeling well because of it. Any overall production from myself, Video making, Minecraft building, and college work have been reduced to little ounces of progress in a week. This past month has not been good. Neither was December either. Not only because of Christmas but I also found out the truth about my grandfather's death. The discussion that my mother and I had did not make me feel good in the days leading to Christmas.
So, what story do I have for you? Well... It's a hard one for me to say. Not just because it'll bring back memories of then but as it also affects a certain someone on this server. One that is going to be mentioned heavily in this post.
I wish to bring you back to late November 2013. My first month of Yukkuricraft. Myself having only a few hours and almost nothing to my name. I had recently joined under the recommendation of Keychain. At the time, she was not active at all and so I never got the opportunity to talk about the server with her. Over the week of the server anniversary and beyond, I took the opportunity to socialise with as many people as possible. I eventually gained my confidence to speak with people on forums and from voice chat.
One day, I learned that Keychain's birthday was on the 2nd of December. With a desire to impress the one who brought me here, I decided to make the Birthday build that everyone knows. Just go north-west from the Creative Flats spawn and you'll see it. In this time, I got to know several people including Krittercon, Tewi, and Seki-Nazrin-banki. While building, I got a drive to work as hard as I could. To ensure that I would finish this for her. For her to gaze upon it. And it hit me. Why was I doing this? I barely knew her and yet I wanted to do something as big as this for her. I realised the biggest thing of all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest reveal of this post. I fell in love with Keychain. That's right. I, TRXD, a freshman with little to my name fell in love with admin Keychain. To everyone who is asking right now. Keychain was my special someone. The one I had been talking about. I did not wish to say as I feared it would get to Keychain much too soon. One month was not enough time.
Eventually, I finished the build and revealed it on her birthday. With the gifts that you all saw and the letter. The letter contained a message that I will still not reveal to this day. Only myself, Keychain, and nosy staff members know the message. Proud of what I had done and what she thought of it. My desires grew larger. I even went on to talk about this on a live radio show about my feat and what I was doing. I used my newly gained renown and awareness from others to continue to socialise more. I even added Keychain on Steam and engaged in a good long discussion. She never followed up on it or spoke to me further. But I still yearned for more. I wanted her to notice me, to respect me. Even be friends with me. Anytime she came online, I would be there to greet her and talk to her. Even if she did not respond or notice me. This continued until Christmas. The very day it went wrong.
On christmas eve, the server had a little letter giving event. We would all write letters to one another and post them to their respective chests. Each staff member and section of the community had their own. The three founders and Tenshi were on the tree. The retired staff and the legendaries had their chests. And so did the Elders. We all share letters and wrote to each other. I myself wrote to Seki-Nazrin, Krittercon, The Entire Roleplay Community, and a few others. And lastly, I wrote a letter to Keychain. Several others wrote their own letters and two people wrote directly to me. My good buddy, Katrix and Keychain herself. Upon catching word of this, I got excited. The one who I was in love with wrote to me. I couldn't get much sleep that night. Whatever was kept in that letter enraptured me more than any other object currently in existence.
Christmas came and we all opened our letters at the same time. I read mine. Katrix's was a very nice and uplifting one. And Keychain's. Keychain's got me excited. The words within that letter made me feel like we were getting closer as the time passed. Nothing else could have beaten the feeling. Not even waking up in the morning to see the cutest Touhou characters in existence snuggling up to you on a fine Spring morning. Keychain even tweeted to me in response to my letter and it made me even more excited. I even /me hugged her. And I didn't get banned or warned for a ban. With all of the joy that was the early day, I went off mumble to have my christmas dinner. And I logged off. Saying bye to everyone and the phrase "Especially to you, Keychain." Little did I know that when I would get back, that this phrase would destroy it all.
I returned from a nice dinner with a beer in my hand for celebration and good times. Pleased with what had happen, I check my twitter and...
I woke in an extremely awkward position on my desk. My Minecraft was left open but on the menu screen. And my mumble was open with chat entries from a few hours prior to me waking up. I logged in and I saw that Katrix, Kritter and all of my trusted people were there. Except Keychain. She was not there. At this time, I did not know why she wasn't there or what had happened. I asked the guys about what had happened and they sidestepped around the answer. Something wasn't right. What had happened to leave me like this? From what I had gathered, I got really drunk following my dinner and I had said some stuff on mumble while getting lost in the Forest of Magic on the server. Confused, I promptly went to bed and tried to clear it all away.
The next morning, I logged back into mumble. Katrix and Gismowolf were there. We had a light discussion about the day before and what had happened. During this time, I realised I had not check my twitter. Looking in my twitter feed, I saw some tweets in my feed:
"So I just had my christmas dinner and I read her letter.
It was so sweet and nice! This has to be the best christmas yet.
To top it all off, I've got some booze ready for a drinkin'!
Time to chug away this amazing day!
Scratch that. I'm a drinkin' because of other things.
Ffffffuck. Why does this always happen to me?"
Curious, I searched around for the cause of that last tweet. I eventually went into my PMs and saw it. The reason behind last night and that tweet. Two PMs had come through from Keychain. She... was taken. I had embarrassed her by saying the phrase "Especially you" while her boyfriend was in the room. This hit me. It hit me harder than anything like it. At that point, my memories recovered. The drunk night. It was a rant about how lonely I was and one of my titles. "The Hopeless Romantic". A title I assigned myself long ago as a way to describe my nature. My drunken self must have taken it literally and talk about it "in detail". The reason Keychain wasn't there was not because of her spontaneous nature but it was because of what I said. I drove her out of the mumble server with my drunken rants. The one I would never go against. And yet I did it. I promptly logged off mumble that day and didn't return.
The following month after was not too good either. I became depressed and unwilling to speak with anyone except the trusted few. Anytime Keychain was mentioned or whenever she would come into the mumble room, I would break down and leave whatever medium, be it mumble or minecraft, she was mentioned in. And return half an hour or so later. No-one knew as to what was going on. Only the trusted few knew most of what was going on. But some knew more than others. By New Year's, I spoke to Keychain about what was happening and we made up. She was fine with everything that had happened and forgave me. But I never forgave myself and I'm not sure if anyone else would.
That, my friends, is the truth. As to why I have not been around, what happened on that drunk night and why I feel this way. I really could not let this go unheard and unknown. It was tearing at me more than anything. If Keychain is not fine with me posting this, feel free to delete it.
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