i do belong here? (more than 10 lines in this)

[Mononobe_no_Futo]

you know... a lot has happened this started out of nowhere actually it started when ice presented me topaz thus she invited me on this server a lot happened since then even though many of you lend your hands i felt from the begining that i was alone i started alone got a rank that i don't deserve and many of you didn't even know me back then heck i just saw remi like a week ago and later it was the admin yukkuricraft was my shellter since touhoucraft was over i felt kinda happy though i still felt the uneasiness (if thats a word) of not doing anything just standing there alone in the sea, from the begining it felt different the builders were more serious on what they where doing and i don't mind the rules but something was off maybe since there are no actual place for people to hang around or that i been living alone in minecraft way too long since i was an elder i couldn't help with the buildings on gensokyo, i can't build at all but i could figure out what people were building

after knowing that the genso buildings were on creative flat i decided to help but who of course topaz was the answer is not just because im futo but shes like the first actual friend i had i decided to help her in anyway i could she would tell me do that and ill do it or if she was building on hand i let my hand to her it was enough for me i felt like i was actually helping (even though i felt like that help was no gonna get reconized), promotions for me it was like i failed to be know, i though well if i become a builder most of the fun will be lost so i ignored it something bad happened im not sure why or how but now topaz is gone for the server and no this is not about topaz... is about me when she started that i felt lolwat on my heart and like touhoucraft when everything went to chaos i tried to fix it, im a fair person and i saw that was topaz doing was unfair so i tried to help yukkuricraft from extincion but also i was trying to convince topaz (did you know that everytime i typed topaz i went subconsiently to mi-ko sama i seriously i can't call her topaz)

to make her stay the worst happened she got banned after that i felt empty like there was nothing for me anymore i stayed anyway since i had no other place to go though i still talk to her on steam on the minecraft server i was alone nobody to count nobody to talk i go to mumble they were talking about the buildings what has to be done stuff like that i couldn't do anything i felt like i didn't existed atlast touhoucraft was on again thanks for votes (the power of the people) yea lets go lets go to the other server lets see everyone my reg rank (that does nothing) was there my room was there and my stuff also so i was like lets continue where we left and i saw people that i didn't see on ages why? because they though yukkuricraft was a traitor server... and there i felt something worse than the war before the shut of touhoucraft everybody on each other server hated each other yukkuricraft doesnt like touhoucraft and viceversa i really don't like that. all i want is peace that people learn to say sorry just forget about things forgive everybody on yukkuricraft is trying to erase the builds that topaz once made i can't do anything about it, but is just like everybody on the server hates topaz i would like to the people just let it go is already over but ok this nethier is about people hating the different server is about me...

i been hanging more on touhoucraft than yukkuricraft thats because topaz is still there but now, new people don't appreciate me the old ones are just ignoring me or building stuff like that time that everybody was doing pimp giants (leaving the normal ones behind thank you) so i just sneaked trying to build my giant again i asked key to help me to copy paste she didn't listen to me (ok key i know that you were busy listening to other people so i don't blame you please don't go and say no i didn't do this i know you didn't so please don't say anything about this) so i began to build my giant again... just remembering that feeling is just hard... at the time i was forcing my way in people began a party on a hot tub (i kinda hate hot tubs now you know why i_liek_touhou) and everybody was laughing and having fun what was left on my heart broke only when i know i lose (studies) my motivation to keep going, i cry (pretty much all the time) i just keep building the giant futo while people had fun when i finally ended i could go to the party i went there and all i did was do parkour but at that time my supercomputer starts to lag (memory leak idk how to fix it) so i have to restart my pc enjoy the game at is fulliness again i say brb i restart the pc and while i was on that i though to myself "ib4 partys over" i enter nobody was around everybody when mind its own bussiness (this is why i say to people that i can see the future and read minds because i actually do and the reason i though being satori but everybody knows me as futo)

ok i got sad... the fact that key recorded it made me more sad (everything i said was recorded though) so yeah that happened in those parts i been trying to help the server with anything i can't start my own build i can only help people with it but since nobody needed help i just did circles on my boat and left the server to touhoucraft and shot a arrow to a creeper, now the only things i have to make clear here are i don't like the hate between topaz and touhoucraft and i sooo useless that i don't deserve to make this post because im making this post out of fustration today i tried to make a car i failed and i wanted to "blow it up" everybody got panic because the tnt and since it was close to another build but guess what if you would actually know me you would know that i wouldn't light those tnt on. im not griefer, i suck, but i try to be a good person i got kicked out that party and got ignored once again and so im making this... this post should be long enough to say goodbye im not gonna be on yukkuricraft anymore but since im making this out of hate i shouldn't say things that i could regret later shite cares about me idk why i would like hear an answer here, kilel... youre loud...

you say that i shouldn't feel everything i am feeling i have no right to feel that and youre right but thats not gonna change anything I feel useless I feel out of place I feel that i don't belong here. remi we only talk when theres nothing important to talk about. tenko/evangon youre the only person that says hi to me when i get in the server i thank you for that. keychan i feel that you don't trust me though we kinda talk most of the time i feel like youre trying to make order to the server idk why, and is my opinion since mikoban happened i been seeing you like higher than the admin. and kada... youre a troll. i don't know what people will say to this i been writing all of this so im gonna post it anyway don't take this like the other post i made questioning the reason of my existence of the server take like my non important way of view i seriously don't know what to make out of this a goodbye card?, spam?, random post thats gonna be ignored? (problaby the last one) but i think this my way of seeing this here i have no idea if i should leave i do get ignored or getting into topics i have no clue about or just not getting respect/trust out of the younger people in touhoucraft i do have problems but again topaz/yomo/nue = friends to count

i still don't get acknowledged by walls

im sowwy for the lack of paragraph here

[Ibuki Suika]

1. Key added paragraphs for you.

2. We were talking about this in chat and none of us have purposely been ignoring you.

[Keychain]

I didn't even realize I recorded you being sad or anything of the sort. I recorded people having fun and goofing around. Do you seriously feel like I don't trust you because I wouldn't tell you what my gender was? I don't willingly tell anyone my gender upon specific request, no one is an exception. Other people usually do it for me or they just say I'm a guy by default. I get asked to worldedit things all the time and I'm not always even tabbed into Minecraft. You have never privately messaged me asking me to worldedit something for you, so you expect me to have seen or remember what you've asked at the time? Trouble has been asking me to help her make a roof for her shrine for like 2 days, and I'm just getting around to doing it. I'm always willing to help, but it might take me some time to get around to doing it.

If you had told me that you saw me as someone more than an admin I would've tried to make more of an effort to try and make sure things were going well for you. I don't like disappointing people who look up to me, and I was under the impression you didn't want much to do with me due to me and Topaz's relationship. It's sad to see you go, but maybe it's for the best with the way you've been acting around here. I think getting away from this community might do some good for you because you're always questioning yourself and always being really down, and if you leaving means it would help get rid of that negativity flowing through you, then so be it.

[Kilelicus]

Ok, let me tell you a little something. We don't hate Touhoucraft. We dislike how things are run there. Topaz has earned our animosity through her poor decisions. We don't hate you, you just think you do because of a few things that you can fix easily.

1. Stop kicking yourself around so much. Have more confidence in yourself. You do this to yourself, we don't.
2. Speak up. It's not that we don't listen to you, it's that we can't HEAR you.
3. Repeat yourself sometimes. You pick poor times to speak every now and then, and you end up speaking under someone at the same time, so we can't hear you.
4. Don't wait for us to invite you to things. If you want to be included, say so and actually take the initiative to get involved.
5. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP WITH EVERYTHING. Some of us don't want you to help because we don't want people who don't know what we're doing to help.

There's a little thing called the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe something poorly about yourself, it will come true in some way. You think poorly of yourself all the time.
Also, you know how you call yourself a party pooper? Well that's kind of true, but it's not because you're there. You're a party pooper because you think you are, and that makes you sad, and a sad person at a party is no good.

TL;DR Version: CHEER. UP.

[Mononobe_no_Futo]

it makes me happy that i got answers... but i guess is time to go but in a good way i don't hold grudges for the server at all and i may come back when i feel like it (il will miss the youkai hunting it makes me sad :<) my negativity that i been feeling for several years is been with me since the middle school and i believe that i said that i don't blame key for the world edit thing i knew that you were busy infact i don't depend on world editing i only asked for it twice (the first one for the doom map and the second what we just read) and to kilel i though i said things to prevent you say all those things the self fulfilling prophecy does not apply to if i say i suck at something is because i tried couple of times and i see to me im not good at it but if im good at it ill say so living example here because hablo español escribi tod eso en ingles y me eh podido expresar bien por que soy bueno en ingles

ib4 i would like that giant futo get atleast more apreciated

[Satori Komeiji]

OH MY GOD FUTO SO MANY WORDS I CAN'T READ!!!!!!! You're being hard on yourself... Just cheer up, Futo!

And no, I'm the only Satori here...