Chapter 10: Faith
During her contemplation over her options, Koakuma's mind wandered. Of course, she thought about the repercussions of her actions. She believed that there would be bad blood between her and Patchouli if she told the truth. The magician may smile and write off the devil's troubles under the pretenses of goodwill, but there was no mistaking that she would never forget it. She would be back in her good graces, but to what extent? The succubus and magician would never be as close as they used to be.
A succubus was a predator, and predators preyed upon the weak. Such was the way of life. It frightened Koakuma to no end to know that she was dangerous to those she cared about, but it came as an even greater shock when she realized that she could eventually go out of control. If urges overcame her, she would be like a vampire suffering from bloodlust. In that state, she would be nothing more than an animal, and once the mistress of the mansion realized that, she would not hesitate to put her down.
The familiar looked over at her mistress's desk. Confessing to her seemed a forgone idea, and letting things take their course was even worse. A thought hit her. Her mistress usually kept a sharp letter opener around in one of her drawers. Perhaps that could be the solution to all of her problems. Koakuma stared at the desk for some time before she took a step forward.
Then, hesitation. She shook her head and recoiled from the desk. Taking her own life would not solve anything. She could protect her mistress from herself by doing that, but in the end, the mage would be overcome by grief at losing her familiar. And Koakuma did not want her mistress to waste time looking for the reasons behind her actions. The devil sniveled and turned away, horrified that she even humored the idea in the first place.
She had only one option left, and that was to return to Makai. Only by being there would she be able to guarantee Patchouli's safety. Her departure would cause the mage a good deal of unease, but it was a small price to pay. Soon she would summon another familiar and put Koakuma in the furthest depths of her mind. The devil would simply be another bad memory, one that the mage could do without.
Koakuma turned around to return to her quarters when she saw a flash of purple drift into view. Her mistress had returned, and, judging by the calm look on her face, she seemed to suspect nothing. But the devil knew her mistress just as well as the vampire did. The dark glow of her eyes showed that the mage was up to something, and Koakuma had an inkling of what that was. Patchouli touched down in front of her familiar and folded her hands.
"M-Mistress! I... uh..."
"Going somewhere, Koakuma?" the mage asked. "I've not seen you at all today. I was beginning to worry."
The familiar's posture sagged at that revelation.
"You... You're worrying about me? I'm sorry, mistress. I don't mean to be a burden."
"You're not a burden. Why do you perceive yourself as one?" Patchouli took a few steps forward after a bit of silence. "Koakuma, I told you that you could talk to me."
"I don't want to."
Patchouli blinked twice.
"You don't want to?"
"Y-yes."
"Oh? And why not?"
"Because I... I don't want to burden you," Koakuma sniveled as she turned away.
"I told you. You're no burden, but when you keep hard problems to yourself and shun me, it's cause for concern."
Koakuma wanted to run, but there was no escaping the mage's cutting, inquisitive gaze. Despite the mage's claim otherwise, Koakuma perceived herself as a burden, even more so when she realized that keeping her problems to herself would hurt her mistress all the same. She stared at the floorboards at a loss for words. Doubt clouded her mind, for she believed there was nothing she could do or say to mend this situation. Patchouli, however, thought differently.
"Koakuma, please. Speak to me. I cannot help you if you do not let me know what troubles you." The mage advanced on her familiar and reached out to touch her arm when the devil recoiled. Sighing, Patchouli asked a question she already knew the answer to. "Is it me?"
"How could it be you?" Koakuma snapped, eyes narrowed. "You're no devil. You're no creature of sin! The trouble, the problem is me! It's always been me!" The familiar reeled back and ran her hands through her hair out of frustration. "I'm the one who fails to protect you! I'm the one who allows the thief to make off with your books! I'm the one who... who..."
Silence fell between them. Patchouli nodded and placed a hand under her chin. So far, her theory was falling into place. The familiar had stumbled across a great pool of doubt that she could not lift herself out of. The reasoning behind her doubt was still up for speculation. She had gotten over her past failures and resumed her work, but this outburst of hers did not seem to come from a personal failure. Instead, it seemed to come from what she was.
"Do you feel this way because you are a succubus?" Patchouli asked, her voice soft.
Koakuma slouched against a bookcase. She didn't even look at her mistress when she nodded.
"I'm sorry... I've been having visions. Nightmares. Terrible, lewd thoughts. All of them involve you." The devil brushed hair out of her eyes. "This... primal part of me sees you as... as prey. Weak, defenseless, vulnerable. I don't want to hurt you, but I keep thinking about it. The sexual, sinful creature that I am wants to violate you."
Patchouli's heart skipped as she watched the devil's eyes water.
"D-don't you see? I'm a terrible creature! If I took advantage of you over and over again... Succubi... We feed on magical energy. If a victim has a lot of it, we poison them with lust to get more. We c-corrupt them..." Koakuma sniveled and looked over at her mistress. "If you were to become corrupted by me, there w-"
"There would be nothing but endless, mindless fornication," Patchouli interjected with a grimace. "A fate worse than death."
"And I would never forgive myself. I can protect you from so many things, but can I protect you from myself?" Koakuma clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. "No... I can't."
Patchouli shook her head. She was not a creature known for strong emotions, but she was familiar with how they consumed and clouded judgment. Koakuma was distraught; not thinking clearly. If only she calmed down and realized how simple the situation was and how it could be resolved. Sadly, logic had no place when it came to emotional wrecks. Patchouli reached out to try and hold onto the familiar's hand.
"Koakuma, of course you c-"
"Like hell I can!" Koakuma shot back as she recoiled once again. "I'm just a devil, and you've been nothing but an angel to me! The two don't mix! I want to protect you! I would do anything to see you smile! I'd return to Makai if it meant that you'd be safe from me..."
"Why?" Patchouli coughed.
"I care so much about you, mistress. If I ever hurt you... I don't know what I would do." Koakuma tried to wipe away her now-flowing tears, but to no avail. Her chest heaved once before she exclaimed, "I love you... I love you so much, but I can't have you. I just get in the way! I love you Patchouli-sama!"
The confession echoed throughout the library, leaving silence in its wake once again. If circumstances were different, Koakuma would have felt relieved that she was able to confess her love to her mistress. Perhaps even invigorated and fulfilled. But she had delivered the confession at the worst of times and under a great deal of stress. A part of her hoped that her mistress would reciprocate regardless, but as she looked on, she realized this was not the case.
Patchouli stared back, eyes wide, mouth slightly open in astonishment. She had her suspicions that her familiar had strong feelings for her, but to know that they were true came at a surprise. Her heart beat faster when she placed her hand to her breast. The warmth was still there, and if she had not known any better, she would have sworn that it had only intensified.
The mage's reaction to the confession was well-warranted, but Koakuma looked on in fear. She saw the look in her mistress's eyes and mistook it for disgust. It was too much for her to bear for today. With a pitiful sob, the devil turned away and began to flap her demonic wings.
"I'm sorry," she cried before she took off.
"W-wait! Koakuma!" Patchouli called out.
But it was no use. The devil's mind was made up, and she would not sway from her current path. She wanted to get away from Patchouli and the library, even those within the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She wanted to return to Makai, for within its barren, miasma-infested realm could she live without fear of taking her mistress. It was a terrible place fit for a terrible creature, thought Koakuma. As far as she knew, an entrance to the realm laid beyond the Hakurei Shrine.
The devil flew through the aisles of Voile, ignoring the voice of the mistress she left behind. Flying across Gensokyo was one of the quickest means of travel, but it would not get the devil to Makai within a day. Gensokyo was large world filled with youkai of all stripes. While Koakuma could flee amongst the foliage and take shortcuts here and there, somewhere during her flight a creature would try to waylay her progress. The little devil was not a powerhouse, but after gathering supplies for the one-way journey, she could at least hold her own in a fight.
She landed in front of the door to her quarters and rushed inside. As an added precaution, she locked her door. She did not want her mistress to follow her and try to talk her out of this decision. Patchouli knew the dangers, but if she insisted on being stubborn, then Koakuma would try her damndest to keep her away. It tore her heart out that she was doing this, but she maintained the idea that it was for Patchouli's own good.
There needed to be some preparation before Koakuma could safely flee from the library. She flung open the doors of her closet and reached for a small knapsack. Getting slowed down by burdensome, unnecessary equipment was not what she needed. Instead, she gathered the essentials. An extra set of clothes, a novice's grimoire, a couple bandages and even a few small food items were shoved into the pack. Before she could reach for a lantern under her bed, she fell to her knees and covered her face.
The stress of the situation was getting to her head. She could hardly hear herself think over her sobbing. This was not what she had in mind when she thought about leaving. It was not what she wanted to do at all! It was supposed to be a quiet affair without Patchouli knowing, but she should have known better than to think her mistress would stay in the dark. Her body shuddered with every ragged, tear-soaked breath she made. Amidst her sobbing and subsequent cursing, she failed to notice the lock on her door had been melted. She also failed to notice the shadow that loomed on her floor.
"Koakuma..."
Koakuma sniveled and waved a hand at Patchouli in her doorway.
"Go away... please..."
"You fear being consumed with lust and taking me, yes?" the mage asked, her expression firm. "You're ashamed of what you are?"
The devil heard the scuffles of her mistress approaching and shook her head. She could not escape from her now. She could not even escape from herself. With a small nod of her head, she confirmed another of Patchouli's suspicions. She took small comfort in knowing that if she was too burdensome, her mistress would banish her back to Makai herself. It did nothing to take away the pain of leaving, however.
"Koakuma. Look at me."
Koakuma raised her head to look up at her mistress. She widened her eyes when she saw that the mage was fumbling with her purple robes. It looked as if she was rummaging around on her person, but she had nothing on her. Her grimoire wasn't with her, so Koakuma was left confused as to what her mistress was doing. She did not have to wonder for long as Patchouli's hands slowly drew away her robes and let them fall down her back to the floor. Koakuma looked at the purple and white pajamas underneath in shock.
"P-Patchouli-sama? What are you doing?"
"Why must you doubt yourself?" Patchouli asked as she took off her mob cap. She held it between her fingers for a moment before letting it fall to the floor. "When have you ever done wrong by me?"
"I... Th-the Scarlet Mist Inc-"
"Have I held it against you? Have I looked at you with scorn since then?" Patchouli waited for a response, but when Koakuma did not answer, she took care of it herself. "No. No I have not. I did not think any less of you then as I do now. In fact, I think of you more."
Koakuma watched as Patchouli came closer and kicked off her slippers. She wondered what her mistress was doing by undressing in front of her, but as she felt her heart skip a beat, she realized that she was getting excited. A blush crept into her cheeks. Her mistress was tempting her, and the devil had no idea whether it was intentional or not. If this continued, she feared that she would do the unspeakable.
An easy meal was a rarity for predators, and Patchouli seemed to be putting herself out as one. She reached down to her pajama top and began to pull up when Koakuma cried out.
"Mistress! Please, don't t-tempt me!"
"You care about me. Will you violate me if I get too close?" she asked, ignoring her familiar's cry as she tossed her top aside. A black bra was her only cover of modesty, save her pajama bottoms. "Will you hurt me? Betray me? Will you cast aside who you are for what you are?"
"Will I... who I am for what I am?" Koakuma repeated. She shook her head. "I don't understand! Patchouli-sama, please! If you keep doing this, I'll d-do something bad to you!"
"Koakuma, I am a frail librarian. That is what I am," Patchouli said. She placed her hands on her pajama bottoms. "But I do not dwell on that fact. I do not focus on what I am or what others perceive me to be. Who I am is what matters, and I am proud to say that I am a stubborn girl with a love for the arcane." The mage towered over her familiar when she got close. "I am Patchouli Knowledge, the grand keeper of intellect, the lover of literature, and the mistress of a wonderful devil."
As soon as Patchouli pulled down her pajama bottoms and tossed them aside, Koakuma rose to her feet. Her eyes had darkened and her expression had fallen to sport a more sinister one. The devil could not ignore her mistress's presence any longer. Such a sight would have frightened any lesser creature, but Patchouli gazed into the eyes of her familiar without fear.
"I ask you, little devil... Who are you?"
In a second the devil placed her hands on Patchouli's shoulders and switched positions. She turned her mistress around and pushed her down onto her bed with a low growl. Her hands moved down to grab Patchouli's wrists and hold them above her head, a near-perfect re-enactment of her first dream. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks, for she knew that this was reality she was botching, not a dream.
Patchouli stared up at her familiar from her position. She could see the devil's eyes wander over her body, taking in every detail from her pale skin to her slim legs. When she placed a hand on her side and caressed her stomach, Patchouli blushed. She was courting danger, yet she hoped she would not find it. She needed to prove to her familiar that she was more than a succubus. She needed to starve her fears and dispel her doubts, and to do that, she needed to tempt her.
"Mistress... I'm sorry..."
The mage shook her head with a small wince.
"I ask again. Who are you?"
Koakuma blinked and put a halt to her advances.
"I'm K-Koakuma... I'm just a succubus from Makai..."
Patchouli managed to get a hand free and slid it out from Koakuma's grasp. She reached up to caress the devil's cheek.
"You're more than that. You're kind, considerate, gentle, and intelligent. You're also loyal to those you hold dear." Patchouli gave a small tilt of her head. "What else are you?"
"I'm... scared, mistress."
"We're all scared, Koakuma. But you can be brave too."
"I'm caring?" Patchouli nodded. Koakuma sniveled and continued. "I'm a... I'm a hard worker. I try so hard to please you... so, I m-must be stubborn. And I... and I..."
"And you're my beloved," Patchouli finished with a gentle smile.
Koakuma's breath hitched. She had not expected her mistress to return her confession with one of her own, let alone accept it. Slowly, her eyes brightened with a dim energy. A sliver of hope had emerged in her breast, and she was prepared to take it. She reached up to hold onto the hand on her cheek.
"Patchouli-sama... You love me?"
Patchouli nodded and slipped her other hand out from Koakuma's hold. She held the devil's cheeks as her eyes began to water. Before either of them knew what was happening, the mage ensnared her familiar's lips with her own. In that moment Patchouli let loose what repressed emotions she kept locked away. She poured her heart into the kiss, and although she had never performed it before, she felt that it came naturally. Koakuma mewed and closed her eyes as she felt her mistress beneath her. She lowered herself just a bit to deepen the kiss.
Years upon years of repressed feelings were unleashed as the two kissed. They shared no shame between each other, for they both felt strongly for each other. The mage was wanting, and the devil was eager to please, as always. A tail slithering over the mage's thigh broke the kiss and brought Koakuma back to reality. She whipped her tail back and bowed her head in shame. Despite the revelation, she was still a succubus.
"Koakuma?"
"I'm sorry, mistress..." Koakuma wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I didn't mean to trouble you so much. But what happens now? I c-could still lose myself with you. I'm relieved, but what does this solve?"
After some squirming from Patchouli's end, Koakuma took the hint and fully released her mistress. She sat next to her and tried to compose herself, but to no avail. She was happy that her mistress loved her in return despite it being near-taboo, but she was still worried about her visions and dreams. Problems worth solving didn't go away in the blink of an eye. It took much time and effort to take care of things, and Koakuma wondered if Patchouli would invest that much time and effort in her.
"Still naive," Patchouli whispered as she sat up and looked at her familiar.
"But I'm just a lowly familiar," Koakuma muttered. "Do I deserve your love?"
"Koakuma... I believe that love is not something that can be bought or given easily. However, it is not something that discriminates. It follows no rules or guidelines. I am a scientist and a magician, not a hopeless romantic. But I do know what love is, and I have confidence in its effects." Patchouli coughed once into her hand before adding, "Love is infinite, and with it we have tremendous potential to grow. Sadly, I am not certain of this theory's validity."
"A theory?"
"Yes." The mage turned and shuffled close to her familiar. She held her arm and looked up at her. "Will you help me test this theory? Will you have confidence in yourself and trust your heart?"
Koakuma blushed once again before shaking her head.
"I w-want to help. I want to love you, but I have no confidence in myself..."
"Then believe in me who believes in you, for I have tremendous faith in you. And I still do to this very day." When Koakuma did not respond, Patchouli caressed her cheek once again. "Tell me, Koakuma. What do you want to do? Do you still wish to leave or take me?"
"N-no, mistress. I just want to be with you from now on," Koakuma sniveled.
"And I share that desire," Patchouli replied.
"But what if I-"
Patchouli placed a finger to Koakuma's lips and shook her head.
"Shh... Be calm." She pressed her familiar against her chest and laid back with her. She began to pet the devil's scarlet hair. "Everything will be alright. I promise."
Koakuma mewed again and closed her eyes as she hugged her mistress. This was not how she had envisioned confessing, but she could not complain. Arguing with Patchouli at this point was fruitless. If she had faith in her familiar, then nothing could shake it. Koakuma sniveled and smiled. She could feel the desire to violate her mistress pulse from the darkest depths of her mind, but its cry was drowned out by a different, stronger desire. She had a beloved mistress now, and wanted to protect her even more, even if that meant staying by her side.
Sometimes one is the safest when closest to danger, Koakuma remembered the mage saying. Stress had sapped Koakuma and Patchouli of their strength. They snuggled closer and yawned before closing their eyes, soon drifting off to sleep. It did not matter to the mage that she was not in her own plush bed, nor did it matter to the devil that her mistress was in her small clothes in her quarters. What mattered was that they were together.
The devil had her doubts about her newly-forged romantic relationship with her mistress. A kiss and a few uplifting coos only did so much. She did not have any doubts about her mistress and continued to have faith in her, however. Her devotion to her mistress and desire to protect her helped immensely in days to come. Patchouli was true to her promise. She never wavered in her support for the succubus, even when times got tougher. Doubts were chased away, fears were starved, and strength was found in time.
To an outsider looking in, not much had changed within the mansion. The maid continued to carry out her duties in her own mysterious way, her eyes idly searching for a heart to claim her own. Remilia managed to make amends with her sister, the details of which she kept a secret to everybody. Meiling continued to guard the mansion and its inhabitants, and as for the pair in the library, they continued to tend to their books. Things were as they were, just as usual.
The grand keeper of intellect and her beloved familiar knew otherwise.
Fin.
