yeah... For those who have heard earlier, I do indeed have DID. I've found someone to help me out with this, but in these past few days, everything got worse. Instead of progression, we've been set back several times. We did come to a conclusion. If this keeps up, I could be... Well, click the spoiler if you're up for it.
And yet, all of that being said, I have one fear: that maybe I'm the bad guy. i stole someone's body when I was only supposed to be the ethical part of the brain, completely shut the other two out, called them villains... I just wonder if I'm finally getting what I deserve.
In any case, don't expect me to be too active... If push comes to shove, you might not see me anymore. Ya know, I always wanted bad people to get what they deserve in punishment... It's funny. Now I might be the bad guy. And I'm scared.
For everyone who loves psychos because of how psychotic they are, or even claim to be 'psychotic,' I want you to know... To be truly psychotic, is to know you're psychotic... And resent it. I don't like being psychotic. I hate it. I'm scared of it. I need help. But not if it costs others their happiness. That's why I never asked. In the midst of all this, some think, "if the situation is so bad, then why does he smile? Why does he laugh and make jokes?" That's because I don't want to drag others down. I don't want others to be unhappy.
My days are numbered. It could happen tomorrow, or in a couple years. But in case it happens sooner than expected, let me tell you who I am: I am a humanist. I want to do anything to keep the human species alive. I am a gamer, keeping myself entertained. I am a musician, giving others the joy of music. I am a comedian, helping others have a good time. I don't do my homework because I'm lazy. I do great on tests and material review. I love puzzles. Puzzle games like Portal keep me on my toes. I am a role-player. Maybe not a good one, but one who can understand what role he's taking. I am a story writer. I create stories that I think will entertain me as well as others. I am ethics. I do what I can because I perceive it to be good. I am a 3d modeler. I create things I'm told, and think of ways to create what I'm not.
I am happy. Happy that I got to know everyone I got to know.
I'll try to be around and hold off me demons (or angels). But I feel like I should let you know what I think.
Humanity is like a symphony. There are all kinds of instruments. Some belong in the same group. But what we fail to see is that we all have a part in our symphony. When we play a bad song, we cannot sit by and call it a song just because the one who wrote it calls it as such. If we don't like it, we should all stand up and say we don't. Tell them why, and then let hime decide where to go. And the day that humanity has achieved greatness... Will be the day that we can all decide what to play without any outside forces telling us how to play it. And it will sound beautiful. So beautiful that everyone will love it. That is the day I hope to live long enough to see.
- Giovanni Contreras, "wonderweiss."
Spoiler:
And yet, all of that being said, I have one fear: that maybe I'm the bad guy. i stole someone's body when I was only supposed to be the ethical part of the brain, completely shut the other two out, called them villains... I just wonder if I'm finally getting what I deserve.
In any case, don't expect me to be too active... If push comes to shove, you might not see me anymore. Ya know, I always wanted bad people to get what they deserve in punishment... It's funny. Now I might be the bad guy. And I'm scared.
For everyone who loves psychos because of how psychotic they are, or even claim to be 'psychotic,' I want you to know... To be truly psychotic, is to know you're psychotic... And resent it. I don't like being psychotic. I hate it. I'm scared of it. I need help. But not if it costs others their happiness. That's why I never asked. In the midst of all this, some think, "if the situation is so bad, then why does he smile? Why does he laugh and make jokes?" That's because I don't want to drag others down. I don't want others to be unhappy.
My days are numbered. It could happen tomorrow, or in a couple years. But in case it happens sooner than expected, let me tell you who I am: I am a humanist. I want to do anything to keep the human species alive. I am a gamer, keeping myself entertained. I am a musician, giving others the joy of music. I am a comedian, helping others have a good time. I don't do my homework because I'm lazy. I do great on tests and material review. I love puzzles. Puzzle games like Portal keep me on my toes. I am a role-player. Maybe not a good one, but one who can understand what role he's taking. I am a story writer. I create stories that I think will entertain me as well as others. I am ethics. I do what I can because I perceive it to be good. I am a 3d modeler. I create things I'm told, and think of ways to create what I'm not.
I am happy. Happy that I got to know everyone I got to know.
I'll try to be around and hold off me demons (or angels). But I feel like I should let you know what I think.
Humanity is like a symphony. There are all kinds of instruments. Some belong in the same group. But what we fail to see is that we all have a part in our symphony. When we play a bad song, we cannot sit by and call it a song just because the one who wrote it calls it as such. If we don't like it, we should all stand up and say we don't. Tell them why, and then let hime decide where to go. And the day that humanity has achieved greatness... Will be the day that we can all decide what to play without any outside forces telling us how to play it. And it will sound beautiful. So beautiful that everyone will love it. That is the day I hope to live long enough to see.
- Giovanni Contreras, "wonderweiss."
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