Have I ever told you people that I'm a proud bastard? No? Well, I don't like backing down from fights. From the start of my middle-school year up into graduation I've been nothing but a pushover. Bullied relentlessly, shunned from groups, the sort. I tried to ignore them all, you see, and get on with my life. I did get on with my life, obviously, but the experiences have left me bitter. I became a misanthrope and a recluse. For as long as I can remember, I hated to go outside and interact with others. I didn't need to be social to survive, and I especially didn't need to have a face-to-face conversation with someone to learn about humans. Perhaps that was the novelty of online gaming, the ability to interact with others without actually interacting with them. I could play alone with others, and if they pissed me off, all I had to do was find another server or game.
But this is different. This is Yukkuricraft, a Minecraft server filled with people who, despite my initial thoughts and cynicism, aren't that bad. You'll have to understand that I've been a part of many different gaming communities, all of which seemed to have crumbled around me. I feared that the same fate would befall this community, as I usually became jerkish and cynical after a few months, and I tried to make sure that things would continue going on. But yet, as much as I tried to help or contribute to this community, there would always be something that I would do that would get me in trouble, whether it be ignorance or a snide comment. Sure, I have plenty of excuses to fire off, but for my sake, I'll stick with what I need to say here.
I'm a pain in the ass to this community. I can tell. It started off innocent enough with a little falling out with the most vocal member of the community, but then things became more complicated. I began to react worse to players and a few moderators for various reasons. Should they have taken my ignorance into account? Perhaps, but I should not have reacted so harshly and dramatically to the actions and words of the players and moderators, no matter what they were. And let me not forget the anger that boils deep within me over a now-petty feud. Here I am, an 'Elder', and I am breaking down and acting like a child. I do not know how I came to deserve that title (or if I deserve it), but if I got it, someone up there in the higher echelon had faith in me that I could act like an 'Elder' and help out the community. But alas, when I was supposed to act as an ambassador for the server, I stewed about with a foul mood and bit at the hands that waved in greeting. I... I hate people, but I like helping them. It makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel like I'm a good person. When I'm shunned and ignored for trying to help, it saddens me.
I've been told that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, so here I am. I am sorry that I've been moody and immature for my age and rank. The comments towards a few members and cynicism have not helped the community in any way. If it were possible, I'd like to make amends with the few people I know that I have trouble with. I know that some things can never be forgiven, and what can't be forgiven can't be forgotten, and I am willing to accept that. I may not have always been the instigator for my actions, but I certainly was able to control them, and I chose to do so poorly.
But this is different. This is Yukkuricraft, a Minecraft server filled with people who, despite my initial thoughts and cynicism, aren't that bad. You'll have to understand that I've been a part of many different gaming communities, all of which seemed to have crumbled around me. I feared that the same fate would befall this community, as I usually became jerkish and cynical after a few months, and I tried to make sure that things would continue going on. But yet, as much as I tried to help or contribute to this community, there would always be something that I would do that would get me in trouble, whether it be ignorance or a snide comment. Sure, I have plenty of excuses to fire off, but for my sake, I'll stick with what I need to say here.
I'm a pain in the ass to this community. I can tell. It started off innocent enough with a little falling out with the most vocal member of the community, but then things became more complicated. I began to react worse to players and a few moderators for various reasons. Should they have taken my ignorance into account? Perhaps, but I should not have reacted so harshly and dramatically to the actions and words of the players and moderators, no matter what they were. And let me not forget the anger that boils deep within me over a now-petty feud. Here I am, an 'Elder', and I am breaking down and acting like a child. I do not know how I came to deserve that title (or if I deserve it), but if I got it, someone up there in the higher echelon had faith in me that I could act like an 'Elder' and help out the community. But alas, when I was supposed to act as an ambassador for the server, I stewed about with a foul mood and bit at the hands that waved in greeting. I... I hate people, but I like helping them. It makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel like I'm a good person. When I'm shunned and ignored for trying to help, it saddens me.
I've been told that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, so here I am. I am sorry that I've been moody and immature for my age and rank. The comments towards a few members and cynicism have not helped the community in any way. If it were possible, I'd like to make amends with the few people I know that I have trouble with. I know that some things can never be forgiven, and what can't be forgiven can't be forgotten, and I am willing to accept that. I may not have always been the instigator for my actions, but I certainly was able to control them, and I chose to do so poorly.
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