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An Apology

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    An Apology

    Have I ever told you people that I'm a proud bastard? No? Well, I don't like backing down from fights. From the start of my middle-school year up into graduation I've been nothing but a pushover. Bullied relentlessly, shunned from groups, the sort. I tried to ignore them all, you see, and get on with my life. I did get on with my life, obviously, but the experiences have left me bitter. I became a misanthrope and a recluse. For as long as I can remember, I hated to go outside and interact with others. I didn't need to be social to survive, and I especially didn't need to have a face-to-face conversation with someone to learn about humans. Perhaps that was the novelty of online gaming, the ability to interact with others without actually interacting with them. I could play alone with others, and if they pissed me off, all I had to do was find another server or game.

    But this is different. This is Yukkuricraft, a Minecraft server filled with people who, despite my initial thoughts and cynicism, aren't that bad. You'll have to understand that I've been a part of many different gaming communities, all of which seemed to have crumbled around me. I feared that the same fate would befall this community, as I usually became jerkish and cynical after a few months, and I tried to make sure that things would continue going on. But yet, as much as I tried to help or contribute to this community, there would always be something that I would do that would get me in trouble, whether it be ignorance or a snide comment. Sure, I have plenty of excuses to fire off, but for my sake, I'll stick with what I need to say here.

    I'm a pain in the ass to this community. I can tell. It started off innocent enough with a little falling out with the most vocal member of the community, but then things became more complicated. I began to react worse to players and a few moderators for various reasons. Should they have taken my ignorance into account? Perhaps, but I should not have reacted so harshly and dramatically to the actions and words of the players and moderators, no matter what they were. And let me not forget the anger that boils deep within me over a now-petty feud. Here I am, an 'Elder', and I am breaking down and acting like a child. I do not know how I came to deserve that title (or if I deserve it), but if I got it, someone up there in the higher echelon had faith in me that I could act like an 'Elder' and help out the community. But alas, when I was supposed to act as an ambassador for the server, I stewed about with a foul mood and bit at the hands that waved in greeting. I... I hate people, but I like helping them. It makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel like I'm a good person. When I'm shunned and ignored for trying to help, it saddens me.

    I've been told that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, so here I am. I am sorry that I've been moody and immature for my age and rank. The comments towards a few members and cynicism have not helped the community in any way. If it were possible, I'd like to make amends with the few people I know that I have trouble with. I know that some things can never be forgiven, and what can't be forgiven can't be forgotten, and I am willing to accept that. I may not have always been the instigator for my actions, but I certainly was able to control them, and I chose to do so poorly.

    #2
    Whoa, stop lying to yourself. You fully deserve your Elder rank, and you fully deserve your contribution to the Yukkuricraft.
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    Spoiler:


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      #3
      Bro, I know that feel. I never really liked to interact with other people because, well, everyone I interact with turn into the same people that society thinks we are: snotty uptight brats who expect the world at their hands. I always hated those people. Well, I guess I'm just the wrong type of person at the wrong time. I'm like one of thise people in the romantic dramas. But no one seems to like that type, even the "I wish I had a nice guy" people.

      I've rarely shown my dark side, but when I do, someone's blood is going to flow. But do I care? Not one bit. People look at others and say "I want to be that guy!" When they don't see what they have. My parents expect me to be an ace in school, and they're never seeing what I can do as important. For god's sake, I'm a writer! I'm a musician! I'm a composer, a chef, and a football player!

      Now I'm sorry, major, if this strays from the point that you were trying to make, but I'm also a proud bastard, and I'm proud of it. I just thought I should get that off my chest.

      You're a good person. And if no one likes that you, well thats too f***ing bad for them.

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        #4
        You know, I may have been here for only a brief time, and with what I have seen and heard of you, you are a good person

        What matters is what you do on the present, so look up and move forward
        Have you ever crossed the line between sanity and madness? You would be amazed by what lies beyond the fog..

        Spoiler:

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          #5
          Heh, It sounds to me that you are in a similar position I was in.

          Believe it or not, I was the exact opposite of how I am now. I was very quiet, very serious, and I just didn't take an interest in the people around me. It seemed as if they all cared only about themselves.

          I was bullied as well, to the point that even my friends would turn away from me. If anyone wanted to become my friend, it was usually so they could find out things about me, then use that information against me.

          It led me to hate people, to hate everyone. I never really had friends until I was 13. That was 9 years of isolation and alienation. Even then, I felt distant from my friends. I would retreat into my own mind when things got hard. I never truly trusted anybody!

          I am 19 now, and it was only about a year ago when I decided to change. I'm not going to lie, It was hard to accept people again and it was hard to trust them, but it all worked out in the end.

          I always wanted to be this person, the person that people could rely on, the kind of person that wasn't afraid to speak his mind to others, the kind of person people actually liked.

          The point of this whole story is that despite the times when life seems too f*cked up to continue and you feel like watching it all burn, know that things will always get better, you don't have to hate everyone, you just have to have the will to accept people for who they are, and more importantly, change your outlook on life.
          People may get under your skin, but know that more often than not, they usually don't mean to step on your toes.

          Take what you will from my ramblings..., but know that you're not a bad person, you're just having a low point right now, and apologizing is a good first step to fixing that low point.
          Originally posted by S121
          Every time I see a new post on the Forum, I feel like a little kid during Christmas, all giddy.
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            #6
            See, Major? Right now we're learning things about eachother, telling truths, admitting to flaws. All because of you and your apology. Any harm done to me, I will forgive, and I'm pretty sure that everyone else can agree on that, right?

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              #7
              Uhh... Apart from a few outbreaks which is common to practically everyone on the server once a while, I don't think there was anything you did that could be considered out of touch or ignorant towards others.
              Last edited by Krittercon; 06-08-2013, 05:48 AM. Reason: One wrong letter and the entire post sounds wrong...

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                #8
                Don't take this the wrong way, but I won't accept your apology because you didn't do anything wrong to me to apologize for. I understand the apology is for those who you felt you should apologize to, and I'm not sure if you feel I am one of those people. So that's why I say that. I just want to be clear that I have no negative emotions towards you and don't consider you a bad person.

                I'm the same way when it comes to always wanting to help people out, but I don't hate them. I try to understand that each and every individual is different and unique in their own way. Whether it bothers me or not. If it does bother me, I tend to try and just not interact with that person.

                I also understand that I can sometimes be annoying and/or creepy. I do apologize if I've ever come across as that way and bothered you. If I ever do annoy you then feel free to let me know. I'll most likely stop. I always like a person who is honest.

                As far as the Elder rank goes. You shouldn't let that even bother you at all. I say this because if anyone in the higher rankings consider you to have that rank, then you'll get that rank. What I mean is it's up to the people in charge for who they trust, and who they think will take responsibilities. If you get promoted, then they must think you deserve it. Rank really means nothing because everyone should treat everyone the same. For example: I will treat Remi the same as Kritter, or Lily, or Keychain, etc. I do place more trust in the people I interact with more on the server, but that's because I'm getting to know and understand them better. It's the same way with how the higher-ups choose who gets what for a rank. It's up to them to decide.

                So if you think you act like a child. Well, really, everyone is a child. Anyone can be immature at times. We're only human, and we have a personality of our own. We can get angry at times, sad, crazy, funny, whatever. Don't ever let it get to you, and don't let anyone make you think poorly of yourself. We are all children on this planet, and we grow at our own pace.

                Again, please don't take anything the wrong way. I am only being honest, and only trying to help.

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                  #9
                  I haven't seen you too often on this server, but no matter how old or how high ranked you are, you shouldn't let bullies get the best of you.
                  There's nothing wrong about how moody you are, you just learned to live in another way, because of bullies and groups not accepting you (or something like that).
                  At times, it's just better to leave the past behind you and start living.
                  (I hope this came out as a good message XD. Not good at pep talks XD)
                  Originally posted by Mogeko
                  Yummy prosciutto! Praise be to prosciutto!
                  Originally posted by Lord Prosciutto
                  Praise be to prosciutto.
                  ..... I forgive the sin of all Mogeko.
                  Release the Yukkuri:

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                    #10
                    I appreciate the little pep talks and all. I'm afraid I said too much...
                    Last edited by Major Mario; 06-08-2013, 03:22 PM.

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                      #11
                      Did I miss something big? I've been a bit busy over the past week or so with last days of school/cons, but as far as my impression of you goes, it's as positive as it is for anyone else. Maybe you had a bad day while I wasn't looking. We all have those days. Just ask the staff. I've had my fair share of bad days where I lashed out at people who i shouldn't have. It's especially bad for me because I should be holding myself to the highest standards out of everyone, but people are people. We're all gonna have bad days where everything is just going to go wrong and we're going to say or do the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people.

                      Whatever it was, that made you post this, know that one single event won't permanently change one's view of you.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by Remilia_Scarlet View Post
                        Did I miss something big?
                        Not at all. I've been terribly busy as of late, and I hopped on a few days ago to see what was what. I tried to not act like a dick when someone I didn't really like was on, but I ended up acting cold. The result: I felt bad for once and decided I would apologize to not only the player, but the community as a whole.

                        But Remi, while some people won't change their view permanently, they don't forget very easily.

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