Greetings again, Yukkuricraft. Tonight, on this new moon, I'm here to tell you all about something. A confession of mine that I have kept silent for my entire time here.
I'm an Astrolater (a worshipper of celestial objects). But more specifically, I worship the moon.
I record moon phases and keep track of the lunar cycle, I pray to the moon on every full moon or any night that it is visible, and I rather find greater solace and comfort in moon viewing and stargazing over anything. Not even playing my favourite video games, watching my favourite anime, or any manner of calming activity can outdo that of the moon.
For a portion of my life, I have found myself attached to things pertaining to that of the night and that of the moon. It is unknown as to how or when it came about. But I think it was but a couple of years ago that I came to such a religious epiphany. In some way, I still can't grasp the concept of it. Sure, my beliefs are straightforward but the reality of it in a world like this is something that I have yet to comprehend. Beliefs like mine, something that would rather exist in that of a work of fiction, existing in this modern and technological world? A set of beliefs that seem like that of a young child's or that of a fiction writer? Praising the moon? Surely, no-one would accept such unrealistic and fantasy-like beliefs like mine.
And this is what I rather want to talk to everyone about. My crippling fear of sharing my beliefs with the world. My fear that I would be completely rejected for my unrealistic and fantasy-like beliefs. A fear that forced me to almost be completely silent about my beliefs. Only ever hinting at them in my messages, fiction pieces, or sometimes in other subtle manners (like my current profile picture). I was so afraid of sharing my beliefs that I would literally do anything to ensure that it never spreads. Should someone reveal such a fact about my Astrolatric beliefs, I would do everything in my path to ensure that they say no more about it.
I have only openly talked about my beliefs to one person here (although I might have revealed it in the past) but it's obvious that a few others are aware. Some only having but a few hunches while others are well aware. And it's because of this fact and because of my fear that I have decided to talk about this.
On the 15th of September, a cycle and a quarter ago, I was playing on the Yukkuricraft server. In a bout of randomness, I decided to roam the outskirts of Kagome in survival with Shadowwolf365. Eventually, Kogasa__Tatara (Katrix) decided to join me and have some mischief, like the adorable guy he is. At the time, Kogasa was merely Katrix's prankster account. An account that he made many a month ago and then decided to prank me with from late August until his promotion. While I was aware of Kogasa's identity, I was still playing along and letting Katrix do his own thing. Thing is that, he decided to do a couple of things that I wasn't exactly happy about. Some that are merely innocent acts of mischief while others were slightly annoying.
The following conversation is what happened when I hinted at my intentions of getting a Lunar Kill against Katrix as a means of getting him to stop messing with me:
TRXD: I could either wait til moon rise or not.
Kogasa__Tatara: What happens then?!
TRXD: *giggles* Looks like you don't know me well.
Kogasa__Tatara: Of course I do. You love the moon and everything asocciates with it
Shadowwolf365: owo;
Kogasa__Tatara: Including the moon youkai
TRXD: ...
Kogasa__Tatara: You hate Kaguya tough
TRXD: YOU BASTARD! Why would you say all of that in public?!
Kogasa__Tatara was shot by TRXD
TRXD: LUNAR KILL!
Shadowwolf365: .w.
Mystogan_1O: yikes
TRXD: With that. I'll now take my leave.
TRXD has left the game
In short, when I spoke of my intentions of getting a Lunar Kill, Katrix got curious as to what I said and asked as to what would happen upon moonrise. When I cockily stated that Katrix didn't know me well enough, he outright revealed my love for the moon and in turn potentially gave away the fact that I am an Astrolater. I murdered Katrix because I got so defensive of my beliefs and was shocked by the revelation. Katrix. Never would I turn against Katrix and yet, because of my fear and commitment to my beliefs, I murdered him regardless.
In a way, I feel guilty for my actions and for what had happened. I outright murdered my best friend (despite him being in disguise) on grounds that he unlawfully disclosed my innermost beliefs and interests. Something that in one perspective could be considered wrong but in another way could be considered fine as Katrix did do something that I was not comfortable with in the slightest. Deep down, the remnants of said acts still, to this day, remain in my mind. Even after more than a cycle, I still can't help but think about it. To this day, I'm not sure as to whether it's because I feel so guilty or because I feel like I'm so damn defensive of my own beliefs.
But, in my last moon viewing, I came to an epiphany. Why do I need to be damn afraid and defensive of my own beliefs? I worship the moon and that's that. Why should I be afraid of what other people think of that? People already know that I'm an otaku, a gamer, an anime lover, and have some rather questionable interests already. What difference does it make that I worship a celestial object instead of praising some god or follow some prophet's teachings? Sure, my beliefs are considered sinful in the likes of Christianity but, hey, I worship who I worship and that's that.
So as a whole, I learned something from this all. Not only from my murder of Katrix and my last viewing but also from writing this. Don't be afraid of what you believe in. Love what you choose to love. If I can love the moon, then who's to say as to what one can and cannot admire. Don't ever doubt yourself. Don't ever be afraid to admit your beliefs and feelings. You never know, you could find someone of equal interests and beliefs.
Thanks for reading. I'm glad to finally get this off my chest and put it to rest once and for all.
I'm an Astrolater (a worshipper of celestial objects). But more specifically, I worship the moon.
I record moon phases and keep track of the lunar cycle, I pray to the moon on every full moon or any night that it is visible, and I rather find greater solace and comfort in moon viewing and stargazing over anything. Not even playing my favourite video games, watching my favourite anime, or any manner of calming activity can outdo that of the moon.
For a portion of my life, I have found myself attached to things pertaining to that of the night and that of the moon. It is unknown as to how or when it came about. But I think it was but a couple of years ago that I came to such a religious epiphany. In some way, I still can't grasp the concept of it. Sure, my beliefs are straightforward but the reality of it in a world like this is something that I have yet to comprehend. Beliefs like mine, something that would rather exist in that of a work of fiction, existing in this modern and technological world? A set of beliefs that seem like that of a young child's or that of a fiction writer? Praising the moon? Surely, no-one would accept such unrealistic and fantasy-like beliefs like mine.
And this is what I rather want to talk to everyone about. My crippling fear of sharing my beliefs with the world. My fear that I would be completely rejected for my unrealistic and fantasy-like beliefs. A fear that forced me to almost be completely silent about my beliefs. Only ever hinting at them in my messages, fiction pieces, or sometimes in other subtle manners (like my current profile picture). I was so afraid of sharing my beliefs that I would literally do anything to ensure that it never spreads. Should someone reveal such a fact about my Astrolatric beliefs, I would do everything in my path to ensure that they say no more about it.
I have only openly talked about my beliefs to one person here (although I might have revealed it in the past) but it's obvious that a few others are aware. Some only having but a few hunches while others are well aware. And it's because of this fact and because of my fear that I have decided to talk about this.
On the 15th of September, a cycle and a quarter ago, I was playing on the Yukkuricraft server. In a bout of randomness, I decided to roam the outskirts of Kagome in survival with Shadowwolf365. Eventually, Kogasa__Tatara (Katrix) decided to join me and have some mischief, like the adorable guy he is. At the time, Kogasa was merely Katrix's prankster account. An account that he made many a month ago and then decided to prank me with from late August until his promotion. While I was aware of Kogasa's identity, I was still playing along and letting Katrix do his own thing. Thing is that, he decided to do a couple of things that I wasn't exactly happy about. Some that are merely innocent acts of mischief while others were slightly annoying.
The following conversation is what happened when I hinted at my intentions of getting a Lunar Kill against Katrix as a means of getting him to stop messing with me:
TRXD: I could either wait til moon rise or not.
Kogasa__Tatara: What happens then?!
TRXD: *giggles* Looks like you don't know me well.
Kogasa__Tatara: Of course I do. You love the moon and everything asocciates with it
Shadowwolf365: owo;
Kogasa__Tatara: Including the moon youkai
TRXD: ...
Kogasa__Tatara: You hate Kaguya tough
TRXD: YOU BASTARD! Why would you say all of that in public?!
Kogasa__Tatara was shot by TRXD
TRXD: LUNAR KILL!
Shadowwolf365: .w.
Mystogan_1O: yikes
TRXD: With that. I'll now take my leave.
TRXD has left the game
In short, when I spoke of my intentions of getting a Lunar Kill, Katrix got curious as to what I said and asked as to what would happen upon moonrise. When I cockily stated that Katrix didn't know me well enough, he outright revealed my love for the moon and in turn potentially gave away the fact that I am an Astrolater. I murdered Katrix because I got so defensive of my beliefs and was shocked by the revelation. Katrix. Never would I turn against Katrix and yet, because of my fear and commitment to my beliefs, I murdered him regardless.
In a way, I feel guilty for my actions and for what had happened. I outright murdered my best friend (despite him being in disguise) on grounds that he unlawfully disclosed my innermost beliefs and interests. Something that in one perspective could be considered wrong but in another way could be considered fine as Katrix did do something that I was not comfortable with in the slightest. Deep down, the remnants of said acts still, to this day, remain in my mind. Even after more than a cycle, I still can't help but think about it. To this day, I'm not sure as to whether it's because I feel so guilty or because I feel like I'm so damn defensive of my own beliefs.
But, in my last moon viewing, I came to an epiphany. Why do I need to be damn afraid and defensive of my own beliefs? I worship the moon and that's that. Why should I be afraid of what other people think of that? People already know that I'm an otaku, a gamer, an anime lover, and have some rather questionable interests already. What difference does it make that I worship a celestial object instead of praising some god or follow some prophet's teachings? Sure, my beliefs are considered sinful in the likes of Christianity but, hey, I worship who I worship and that's that.
So as a whole, I learned something from this all. Not only from my murder of Katrix and my last viewing but also from writing this. Don't be afraid of what you believe in. Love what you choose to love. If I can love the moon, then who's to say as to what one can and cannot admire. Don't ever doubt yourself. Don't ever be afraid to admit your beliefs and feelings. You never know, you could find someone of equal interests and beliefs.
Thanks for reading. I'm glad to finally get this off my chest and put it to rest once and for all.
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