Originally posted by wonderweiss
1. Meh, kinda just getting into it.
2. done. Check it out.
3. I did mention they tried to kill him. I edited that to make good of all this.
I always seem to be the one that screws up alot...
Don't worry about it. I might be ragging on you a lot but I have a decent amount of experience with this sort of thing. There are some things that just aren't right, you know? Don't let it get you down. I know that if you listen to me and take the things I say into your writing, you'll improve greatly. The first person wasn't so much screwing up as it was first person writing just looks, sounds, and feels ugly. It turns into a lot of "then"s
EDIT: Much better


