RP General Discussion

[Kristia]

Guess what people

I got good news and bad news

the good ones are from here

my thread (some writings) just reached 2000 views and Im excited fr it

The story of a traveler has been reborn and I got inspired (I hope for long haha) and made a new chapter in an hour

Now the bad news

I will murder my boss because he sent me a mail with an urgent job for today and I didn´t sleep at all, but darn I finished it and sent it to him
So I´m surely going to be on my comfy couch snoring

My head is dizzy, my feet hurt, and my eyes feel dry, and I'm happy for i don´t know, probably sleep deprivation for last week (has slept only 3-4 hours a day)

so here I am still finishing whatever Im needed for and I can fall in any moment, so you got the clock ticking

[SUSTIC]

@Kristia

Just go rest Kristia. You really deserve the rest. We can easily wait until you return... I hope most of us can. Then again, we can be quite patient.

[Kristia]

Okay SUS see you guys later

also before I forget, please tell me what you think of my story via whatever you feel its fine, please be honest if it is good, bad, simple, complicated. I know I have grammar errors stacked to high numbers, but I want honest opinions of readers

see you later people

[Major Mario]

Kristia, one thing I can say about your story is that you use too many different colors that attract attention away from the rest of the body and descriptions. No one line should be made to be more eye-catching than the others. It's like a rainbow that hurts to look at. Bold lines are okay for conversation and dialogue, but to really make it a story, like a professional short story, nothing should be bolded.

You've got the right idea for most of your dialogue, as in, the way many bits of dialogue start out is just fine. A good paragraph with dialogue should be structured like:

---

"I'm hungry," John said. He rubbed his stomach and groaned. "I could use a hamburger."

And so John Doe got himself a hamburger. (More description or not)

---

I hope this helps.

[Kristia]

ok Major, thanks for it ^^

I have read both stories of yours and can say they are well structured and barely any error, just one grammar error every hundred words, but in general, they are great

[Major Mario]

RP General Discussion

ok Major, thanks for it ^^

I have read both stories of yours and can say they are well structured and barely any error, just one grammar error every hundred words, but in general, they are great

You found some errors? Tell me what they are please! I can't get better without some third-party insight!


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[Kristia]

ok on the first chapter, I think it isn't needed but I may be wrong too

"No," Remilia groaned. "No, I know what I'm doing. I'm just... Taking a walk. At night. In the human village."

The first no doesn't need a coma

[Zekai]

I'm just... Taking a walk. At night. In the human village."

You don't need those periods. Type it as talking a walk, at night, in the human village.

I type stories as well and using periods like that doesn't seem right.



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[Kristia]

Guys, Im going to edit my story with the suggestion of Major since he is right about it and I thank him for the constructive opinion

so I´ll be quite busy since I will also fix the mountain of grammatical errors XD

[Katrix]

Sorry for not being able to post too much, I've been really busy with RTY the last few days.

[Kristia]

Hi there Katrix, how are you?

I wanted to ask about the RTY, what is it about?

[Katrix]

@Kristia

I'm good. As for RTY, it's the server's official minecraft modpack.

[Major Mario]

Hmm, Kristia, if you're talking about the 'no' in "No," Remilia groaned-, that's correct. Depending on the punctuation, either a comma or a period, Remilia's 'No' becomes different. For example, if the 'no' has a period after it, it means that the two words after it are part of a single line, meaning that Remilia groaned out the 'no'. If it had a period after it, then that would mean that Remilia simply said 'no' before groaning. That makes sense grammatically-wise, but it doesn't please me when it's acted out.

Zekai, you're absolutely right. I don't need those periods. In fact, I could type it with or without commas and it would be acceptable. It wouldn't go against the rules of grammar that way. But like I said above, it doesn't please me when it's acted out. It just doesn't sound right! Think of it this way: in the line you chose to evaluate, Remilia has been caught by Koakuma, a servant. I chose to show Remilia getting embarrassed at this.

If she had said "I'm just taking a walk at night in the human village", that would betray her embarrassment. It could show that she was trying to be nonchalant about the encounter, but I wanted to capture the absurdity of it all. With every sentence ended by a period (-I'm just... Taking a walk. At night. In the human village.") the level of absurdity rises and digs Remilia deeper into a hole she can't easily climb out of. Here she is, big mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and she's taking a walk at night in the human village. A walk is understandable, but at night AND in the human village?

So yeah, Zekai, you're right, but it just doesn't sound as good.

ALSO SUSTIC GET GOING JEEZ

[Kristia]

Oh ok Katrix

Also guys, I finished editing the story of a traveler, erased the bold and color on conversations, erased most if not all the grammar errors and added some stuff in almost all chapters to make them more understandable.

There are surely things that can get better, but Im a noob in terms of spelling and writing, so basic writing it how I am doing it ^^;

[SUSTIC]

@Major

Wait what? OH CRAP TSU! I'LL GET ON IT!